I have a confession to make, I don’t sleep well… pretty much ever.
According to my Oura ring, I’ve been 4+ hours behind on my sleep since two weeks ago and I assure you that is not going to change until at least tomorrow morning. Working 12 hour shifts is not for the weak and the weak is me.
Let’s talk about sleep. Revenge bedtime procrastination specifically.
According to sleepfoundation.org, this term is defined as “When people intentionally stay up late to enjoy personal time, even when they know it will negatively affect their sleep. It often happens when individuals feel they have little control over their daily schedules.”
I fear I may have had one of those come to Jesus moments right now… At 12:26am (oh the irony). I have work in the morning. You know who sleeps like a baby when she doesn’t work in the morning? Yours truly. You know who actually can’t pry a device out of her COLD. DEAD. HANDS. when she has to physically be at her job at 6:30am? Also yours truly.
I have actually been thinking to myself lately that my sleep habits have been getting more self destructive… Which is gross ignorance of how much worse my sleep habits used to be, but stick with me here, back to my confession.
I work 12 hour shifts. Formal work hours are 7am-7pm. That, of course, does not include my wake up, commute, etc. I am awake well before 7am and I get home well after 7pm. If you’re thinking “Wtf? Your ENTIRE day is spent under fluorescent lighting and in the most audibly overstimulating place on planet earth?” You’re absolutely right. I get home, change out of my scrubs, then I sit down in my kitchen. It’s at least 7:45-8pm by this point… The doom sets in… I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING.
I need to be asleep in my bed in an hour or else I won’t get the 8 hours of sleep every healthy young gal needs, but I haven’t eaten dinner yet? Do I skip dinner and read? Do I eat dinner and then go to bed? I need to set aside at least 10 minutes to do my oral hygiene routine. I should play animal crossing! No no no, that’s a screen and I shouldn’t be on screens before bed… A book? HA! like I have the self control to put a book down.
I was just journaling today about the lack of sustainability in my current lifestyle. I.e. I can’t continue to work multiple 12 hour shifts a week on zero sleep. Don’t you hate when all your problems are in your complete control and 100% preventable? Puts way too much pressure on myself to do the right thing.
It’s 12:43am – I’m writing a blog post. A confession, and Proof I will do anything but go to bed on a work night.
It’s now 6:16am. I’m on my way to work – I am definitely just as miserable as I was expecting to be.
Rinse, repeat.
– Hay
