If you’re wondering why I gathered you here, here is why. Call it inspiration. Maybe, the ovulation phase of my cycle, but I decided that I was going to get a new Macbook and start blogging. Hobby type stuff to be clear. I’m under no impression that I am going to leave my career in dentistry to be a full-time blogger. Although who doesn’t dream of leaving their 9-5 every once in a while. I think that this is me striking my balance of wanting to record my thoughts, but also my desire to share it with the world. Incredibly, I also have this terrible fear of being perceived. That ties in to this new venture of mine SUPER well if you ask me.
My problem is that I don’t ever want to miss out on anything, I suppose they call that FOMO. I don’t want to miss opportunities, I can feel every day pass me by like it grates on my skin. How can you NOT want to see the world and experience the rich culture of other places. I have a hard time planning trips because how do you even begin to narrow down the things to do and see while you’re there?
I find myself asking all these questions
How do I plan a trip to Germany but not go to Poland? Visit Greece without seeing Croatia? How do I not accidently stay there to travel for the rest of my life? That last one is a lie. I was raised to be way too pragmatic to throw caution to the wind like that. Although, I have spent entire days researching work opportunities abroad and how I could possibly convince my boyfriend to go with me. I can wrap my head around taking my career away from here, but definitely NOT starting over.
I have questions that are constantly spinning around my head. Am I going to look back one day and regret my choices? Not taking that trip? Should I have picked a different career? Should I have gotten married sooner? Had children younger?
They say in your 25th year, at least for women, your frontal lobe finishes developing. I agree, I have never been more plagued by the human condition in my entire life. As I am rapidly approaching my 26th Birthday in July of this year (shoutout to my cancers) and this has been both the best and most stressful years I’ve experienced to date.
I have a bone to pick
First and foremost, I would like to know whose bright idea it was to decide that 26 years old is when you officially become so much of an adult that you need to get your own health insurance. I can either get married or sell my soul to a corporation, awesome. Secondly, the pressure is on to grow up. I am so worried about getting married and how my best reproductive years are happening right as I write this. I get stuck in a downward spiral at least once a month. If I’m not mistaken, I think they call that the luteal phase.
I could probably try to tell you that I don’t know why I feel this way, but I would be lying. It’s because I spend most of my life doing what I am “supposed to be doing.” For as long as I can remember, I’ve been more worried about what comes next than what I am doing at the moment. I went to college to get a degree, that’s what I was supposed to do. Then, I got a job that made six-figures, like I was supposed to… you get the idea. Well, they were not joking when they said money doesn’t buy happiness.
I am not a person to regret things.
I do feel regret, but I actively work on letting go of those feelings because if I don’t, they will eat me alive. I don’t regret any of my decisions and I don’t regret anything I’ve done to get to where I am today, but when I’m not doing big things, who am I?
Here’s to figuring it out day by day, I suppose.
– Hay
